Ñïàñèáî, ÷òî ñêà÷àëè êíèãó â áåñïëàòíîé ýëåêòðîííîé áèáëèîòåêå BooksCafe.Net
Âñå êíèãè àâòîðà
Ýòà æå êíèãà â äðóãèõ ôîðìàòàõ
Ïðèÿòíîãî ÷òåíèÿ!
Recital
Roger Zelazny
Roger Zelazny
Recital
The woman is singing. She uses a microphone, a thing she did not have to do in
her younger days. Her voice is still fairly good, but nothing like what it was
when she drew standing ovations at the Met. She is wearing a blue dress with
long sleeves, to cover a certain upper-arm flabbiness. There is a small table
beside her, bearing a pitcher of water and a glass. As she completes her number
a wave of applause follows. She smiles, says "Thank you" twice, coughs, gropes (not
obtrusively), locates the pitcher and glass, carefully pours herself a drink.
Let's call her Mary. I don't know that much about her yet, and the name has just
occurred to me. I'm Roger Z, and I'm doing all of this on the spot, rather than
in the standard smooth and clean fashion. This is because I want to watch it
happen and find things out along the way.
So Mary is a character and this is a story, and I know that she is over the hill
and fairly sick. I try to look through her eyes now and discover that I cannot.
It occurs to me that she is probably blind and that the great hall in which she
is singing is empty.
Why? And what is the matter with her eyes?
I believe that her eye condition is retrobulbar neuritis, from which she could
probably recover in a few weeks, or even a few days. Except that she will likely
be dead before then. This much seems certain to me here. I see now that it is
only a side symptom of a more complex sclerotic condition which has worked her
over pretty well during the past couple of years. Actually, she is lucky to be
able still to sing as well as she can. I notice that she is leaning upon the
table - as unobtrusively as possible - while she drinks.
All of this came quickly, along with the matter of the hall. Does she realize
that she is singing to an empty house, that all of the audience noises are
recorded? It is a put-on job and she is being conned by someone who loved her
and wants to give her this strange evening before she falls down the dark well
with no water or bottom to it.
Who? I ask.
A man, I suppose. I don't see him clearly yet, back in the shadowy control booth,
raising the volume a little more before he lets it diminish. He is also taping
the entire program. Is he smiling? I don't know yet. Probably.
He loved her years ago, when she was bright and new and suddenly celebrated and
just beginhing her rise to fame. I use the past tense of the main verb, just to
cover myself at this point.
Did she love him? I don't think so. Was she cruel? Maybe a little. From his
viewpoint, yes; from hers, not really. I can't see all of the circumstances of
their breakup clearly enough to judge. It is not that important, though. The
facts as given should be sufficient.
The hall has grown silent once again. She bows, smiling, and announces her next
number. As she begins to sing it, the man - let us call him John - leans back in
his seat, eyes half-lidded and listens. He is, of course, remembering.
Naturally, he has followed her career. There was a time when he had hated her
and all of her flashy lovers. He had never been particularly flashy himself. The
others have all left her now. She is pretty much alone in the world and has been
out of sight of it for a long while. She was also fairly broke when she received
this invitation to sing. It surprised her more than a little. Even broke, though,
it was not the money she was offered but a final opportunity to hear some
applause that prompted her to accept.
Now she is struggling valiantly. This particular piece had worried her. She is
nearing the section where her voice could break. It was pure vanity that made
her include it in the program. John leans forward as she nears the passage. He
had realized the burden it would place upon her - for he is an aficionado, which
is how and why he first came to meet her. His hand moves forward and rests upon
a switch.
He is not wealthy. He has practically wiped himself out financially, renting
this hall, paying her fee, arranging for all of the small subterfuges: a maid in
her dressing room, a chauffeured limousine, an enthusiastic theater manager, a
noisy stage crew - actors all. They departed when she began her performance. Now
there are only the two of them in the building, both of them wondering what will
happen when reaches that crucial passage.
I am not certain how Isak Dinesen would have handled this, for her ravaged face
is suddenly in my mind's eye as I begin to realize where all of this is coming
from. The switch, I see now, will activate a special tape of catcalls and
hootings. It was already cued back when I used the past tense of the verb. It
may, after all, be hate rather than love that is responsible for this expensive
private show. Yes. John knew of Mary's vanity from long ago, which is why he
chose this form of revenge - a thing that will strike her where she is most
vulnerable.
She begins the passage. Her head is turned, and it appears that she is staring
directly at him, there in the booth. Even knowing that this is impossible, he
shifts uneasily. He looks away. He listens. He waits.
She has done it! She has managed the passage without a lapse. Something of her
old power seems to be growing within her. Once past that passage, her voice
seems somewhat stronger, as if she has drawn some heartening reassurance from it.
Perhaps the fact that this must be her last performance has also stoked the
banked fires of her virtuosity. She is singing beautifully now, as she has not
in years.
John lets his hand slip from the control board and leans back again. It would
not serve his purpose to use that tape without an obvious reason. She is too
much a professional. She would know that it was not warranted. Her vanity would
sustain her through a false reaction. He must wait. Sooner or later, her voice
has to fail. Then ...
He closes his eyes as he listens to the song. The renewed energy in her
performance causes him to see her as she once was. Somewhere, she is beautiful
again.
He must move quickly at the end of this number. Lost in reverie, he had almost
forgotten the applause control. He draws this one out. She is bowing in his
direction now, almost as if ...
No!
She has collapsed. The last piece was too much for her. He is on his feet and
out the door, rushing down the stairs. It can't end this way ... He had not
anticipated her exerting herself to this extent for a single item and then not
making it beyond it - even if it was one of her most famous pieces. It strikes
him as very unfair.
He hurries up the aisle and onto the stage. He is lifting her, holding a glass
of water to her lips. The applause tape is still running.
She looks at him.
"You can see!"
She nods and takes a drink.
"For a moment, during the last song, my vision began to clear. It is still with
me. I saw the hall. Empty. I had feared I could not get through that song. Then
I realized that someone from among my admirers cared enough to give me this last
show. I sang to that person. You. And the song was there ..."
"Mary ..."
A fumbled embrace. He raises her in his arms - straining, for she is heavier and
he is older now.
He carries her back to the dressing room and phones for an ambulance. The hall
is still filled with applause and she is smiling as she drifts into delirium,
hearing it.
She dies at the hospital the following morning, John at her bedside. She
mentions the names of many men before this happens, none of them his. He feels
he should be bitter, knowing he has served her vanity this final time. But he is
not. Everything else in her life had served it also, and perhaps this had been a
necessary condition for her greatness - and each time that he plays the tape,
when he comes to that final number, he knows that it was for him alone - and
that that was more than she had ever given to anyone else.
I do not know what became of him afterward. When the moral is reached it is
customary to close - hopefully with a striking image. But all that I see
striking now are typewriter keys, and I am fairly certain that he would have
used the catcall tape at the end if she had finished the performance on a weak
note. But, of course, she didn't. Which is why he was satisfied. For he was an
aficionado before he was a lover, and one loves different things in different
places.
There is also a place of understanding, but it is difficult, and sometimes
unnecessary, to find it.
Ñïàñèáî, ÷òî ñêà÷àëè êíèãó â áåñïëàòíîé ýëåêòðîííîé áèáëèîòåêå BooksCafe.Net
Îñòàâèòü îòçûâ î êíèãå
Âñå êíèãè àâòîðà