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Joe Abercrombie
THE HEROES

ORDER OF BATTLE

THE UNION
 
High Command
   Lord Marshal Kroy — commander-in-chief of his Majesty’s armies in the North.
   Colonel Felnigg — his chief of staff, a remarkably chinless man.
   Colonel Bremer dan Gorst — royal observer of the Northern War and disgraced master swordsman, formerly the king’s First Guard.
   Rurgen and Younger — his faithful servants, one old, one … younger.
   Bayaz, the First of the Magi — a bald wizard supposedly hundreds of years old and an influential representative of the Closed Council, the king’s closest advisors.
   Yoru Sulfur — his butler, bodyguard and chief bookkeeper.
   Denka and Saurizin — two old Adepti of the University of Adua, academics conducting an experiment for Bayaz.
 
Jalenhorm’s Division
   General Jalenhorm — an old friend of the king, fantastically young for his position, described as brave yet prone to blunders.
   Retter — his thirteen-year-old bugler.
   Colonel Vallimir — ambitious commanding officer of the King’s Own First Regiment.
   First Sergeant Forest — chief non-commissioned officer with the staff of the First.
   Corporal Tunny — long-serving profiteer, and standard-bearer of the First.
   Troopers Yolk, Klige, Worth, and Lederlingen — clueless recruits attached to Tunny as messengers.
   Colonel Wetterlant — punctilious commanding officer of the Sixth Regiment.
   Major Culfer — his panicky second in command.
   Sergeant Gaunt, Private Rose — soldiers with the Sixth.
   Major Popol — commanding the first battalion of the Rostod Regiment.
   Captain Lasmark — a poor captain with the Rostod Regiment.
   Colonel Vinkler — courageous commanding officer of the Thirteenth Regiment.
 
Mitterick’s Division
   General Mitterick — a professional soldier with much chin and little loyalty, described as sharp but reckless.
   Colonel Opker — his chief of staff.
   Lieutenant Dimbik — an unconfident young officer on Mitterick’s staff.
 
Meed’s Division
   Lord Governor Meed — an amateur soldier with a neck like a turtle, in peacetime the governor of Angland, described as hating Northmen like a pig hates butchers.
   Colonel Harod dan Brock — an honest and hard-working member of Meed’s staff, the son of a notorious traitor.
   Finree dan Brock — Colonel Brock’s venomously ambitious wife, the daughter of Lord Marshal Kroy.
   Colonel Brint — senior on Meed’s staff, an old friend of the king.
   Aliz dan Brint — Colonel Brint’s naive young wife.
   Captain Hardrick — an officer on Meed’s staff, affecting tight trousers.
 
The Dogman’s Loyalists
   The Dogman — Chief of those Northmen fighting with the Union. An old companion of the Bloody-Nine, once a close friend of Black Dow, now his bitter enemy.
   Red-Hat — the Dogman’s Second, who wears a red hood.
   Hardbread — a Named Man of long experience, leading a dozen for the Dogman.
   Redcrow — one of Hardbread’s Carls.
 
THE NORTH
 
In and Around Skarling’s Chair
   Black Dow — the Protector of the North, or stealer of it, depending on who you ask.
   Splitfoot — his Second, meaning chief bodyguard and arse-licker.
   Ishri — his advisor, a sorceress from the desert South, and sworn enemy of Bayaz.
   Caul Shivers — a scarred Named Man with a metal eye, who some call Black Dow’s dog.
   Curnden Craw — a Named Man thought of as a straight edge, once Second to Rudd Threetrees, then close to Bethod, now leading a dozen for Black Dow.
   Wonderful — his long-suffering Second.
   Whirrun of Bligh — a famous hero from the utmost North, who wields the Father of Swords. Also called Cracknut, on account of his nut being cracked.
   Jolly Yon Cumber, Brack-i-Dayn, Scorry Tiptoe, Agrick, Athroc and Drofd — other members of Craw’s dozen.
 
Scale’s Men
   Scale — Bethod’s eldest son, now the least powerful of Dow’s five War Chiefs, strong as a bull, brave as a bull, and with a bull’s brain too.
   Pale-as-Snow — once one of Bethod’s War Chiefs, now Scale’s Second.
   White-Eye Hansul — a Named Man with a blind eye, once Bethod’s herald.
   ‘Prince’ Calder — Bethod’s younger son, an infamous coward and schemer, temporarily exiled for suggesting peace.
   Seff — his pregnant wife, the daughter of Caul Reachey.
   Deep and Shallow — a pair of killers, watching over Calder in the hope of riches.
 
Caul Reachey’s Men
   Caul Reachey — one of Dow’s five War Chiefs, an elderly warrior, famously honourable, father to Seff, father-in-law to Calder.
   Brydian Flood — a Named Man formerly a member of Craw’s dozen.
   Beck — a young farmer craving glory on the battlefield, the son of Shama Heartless.
   Reft, Colving, Stodder and Brait — other young lads pressed into service with Beck.
   Glama Golden’s Men
   Glama Golden — one of Dow’s five War Chiefs, intolerably vain, locked in a feud with Cairm Ironhead.
   Sutt Brittle — a famously greedy Named Man. Lightsleep — a Carl in Golden’s employ.
   Cairm Ironhead’s Men
   Cairm Ironhead — one of Dow’s five War Chiefs, notoriously stubborn, locked in a feud with Glama Golden.
   Curly — a stout-hearted scout.
   Irig — an ill-tempered axeman.
   Temper — a foul-mouthed bowman.
 
Others
   Brodd Tenways — the most loyal of Dow’s five War Chiefs, ugly as incest. Stranger-Come-Knocking — a giant savage obsessed with civilisation, Chief of all the lands east of the Crinna.
   Back to the Mud (dead, thought dead, or long dead)
   Bethod — the first King of the Northmen, father to Scale and Calder.
   Skarling Hoodless — a legendary hero who once united the North against the Union.
   The Bloody-Nine — once Bethod’s champion, the most feared man in the North, and briefly King of the Northmen before being killed by Black Dow (supposedly).
   Rudd Threetrees — a famously honourable Chief of Uffrith, who fought against Bethod and was beaten in a duel by the Bloody-Nine.
   Forley the Weakest — a notoriously weak fighter, companion to Black Dow and the Dogman, ordered killed by Calder.
   Shama Heartless — a famous champion killed by the Bloody-Nine. Beck’s father.

BEFORE THE BATTLE

   Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes.
Bertolt Brecht

 

The Times

   ‘Too old for this shit,’ muttered Craw, wincing at the pain in his dodgy knee with every other step. High time he retired. Long past high time. Sat on the porch behind his house with a pipe, smiling at the water as the sun sank down, a day’s honest work behind him. Not that he had a house. But when he got one, it’d be a good one.
   He found his way through a gap in the tumble-down wall, heart banging like a joiner’s mallet. From the long climb up the steep slope, and the wild grass clutching at his boots, and the bullying wind trying to bundle him over. But mostly, if he was honest, from the fear he’d end up getting killed at the top. He’d never laid claim to being a brave man and he’d only got more cowardly with age. Strange thing, that — the fewer years you have to lose the more you fear the losing of ’em. Maybe a man just gets a stock of courage when he’s born, and wears it down with each scrape he gets into.
   Craw had been through a lot of scrapes. And it looked like he was about to snag himself on another.
   He snatched a breather as he finally got to level ground, bent over, rubbing the wind-stung tears from his eyes. Trying to muffle his coughing which only made it louder. The Heroes loomed from the dark ahead, great holes in the night sky where no stars shone, four times man-height or more. Forgotten giants, marooned on their hilltop in the scouring wind. Standing stubborn guard over nothing.