Оглавление:

• Author’s Qualifications to Write a Book About Babies
  1
• Chapter 1 SHOULD YOU HAVE A BABY? SHOULD ANYBODY?
  1
• Some Important Pompous Advice to Couples about to Get Pregnant
  1
• Quiz for Young Couples Who Want to Have a Baby and Who Clearly Have No Idea What They’re Getting Into
  1
• Male Birth Control
  1
• The Condom Lady
  1
• Female Birth Control
  1
• How Much Does It Cost to Have a Baby?
  2
• The Cost of Everything After the Baby Is Born Right Up Until It Goes to College or, God Help You, Graduate School
  2
• Should the Woman Quit Her Job to Have a Baby?
  2
• What About Insurance?
  2
• The Intangible Benefits
  2
• Chapter 2 PREGNANCY
  2
• The Female Reproductive System
  2
• Fertilization
  2
• The Stages of Development of the Fetus
  2
• Pregnancy and Diet
  2
• Answers to Common Questions About Pregnancy
  3
• Important Advice for Husbands
  3
• Teaching Your Child in the Uterus
  3
• The Baby Shower
  3
• Chapter 3 GETTING READY FOR BABY
  3
• Precautions around the Home
  3
• Baby’s Room
  3
• Baby’s Crib
  3
• Other Furniture for Baby’s Room
  3
• Baby’s Clothes
  3
• Baby’s Toys
  4
• Diapers: Cloth vs. Disposable
  4
• Chapter 4 PREPARING FOR BIRTH
  4
• An Important Message about Professional Childbirth-Preparation Terminology
  4
• How Your Mother Had Babies, and Why We Now Feel It Was All Wrong
  4
• Choosing a Hospital
  4
• Childbirth Classes: Learning to Breathe
  5
• The Magic Word
  5
• Chapter 5 THE ACTUAL BLESSED EVENT
  5
• What to Do If You Can’t Get to the Hospital
  5
• Three Problems That Could Prevent You from Getting to the Hospital in Time
  5
• What Will Happen to You If You Get to the Hospital
  5
• The Big Moment
  5
• What to Do Immediately after Birth
  6
• Bonding
  6
• Chapter 6 THE HOSPITAL STAY
  6
• A Reassuring Word for First-Time Parents About Hospital Baby-Identification Procedures
  6
• Visitors in the Hospital
  6
• How Long Should the Mother Stay in the Hospital after the Baby Comes Out?
  6
• Naming Your Baby
  6
• Some Heavy Thoughts to Think during the Hospital Stay
  6
• Chapter 7 MAINTENANCE OF A NEW BABY
  6
• The Basic Baby Mood Cycle
  6
• When Should You Feed Your Baby?
  7
• Should You Breast-Feed or Bottle-Feed Your Baby?
  7
• Learning to Breast-Feed
  7
• Common Problems with Breast-Feeding
  7
• What Is Colic?
  7
• Changing Your Baby’s Diapers
  7
• Chapter 8 THE FIRST SIX MONTHS
  7
• Baby’s Development during the First Six Months
  8
• Disciplining a New Baby
  8
• Baby-Tending for Men
  8
• Men’s Baby-Maintenance Chart
  8
• Advice to Women about Babies and Jobs
  8
• Choosing a Pediatrician
  8
• Babysitters
  8
• Safety Tip
  8
• Songs for New Babies
  8
• Three Traditional Baby Games
  9
• Babies and Pets
  9
• Baby Albums
  9
• Chapter 9 SIX MONTHS TO A YEAR
  9
• Development During the Second Six Months
  9
• Baby’s First Solid Food
  9
• How to Feed Solid Food to a Baby
  9
• What to Do When a Baby Puts a Horrible Thing in Its Mouth
  9
• Traveling with Baby
  9
• Taking a Baby on an Airplane
  10
• Teething
  10
• Quick-Reference Baby Medical-Emergency Chart
  10
• Chapter 10 THE SECOND YEAR
  10
• Major Developments during the Second Year
  10
• What to Do when a One-Year-Old Starts Screaming in a Shopping Mall, and the Reason Is That You Won’t Let It Eat the Pizza Crust That Somebody, Who Was Probably Diseased, Left in the Public Ashtray amid the Sand and the Saliva-Soaked Cigar Butts, but the Other Shoppers Are Staring at You as if to Suggest That You Must Be Some Kind of Heartless Child-Abusing Nazi Scum
  10
• Walking
  10
• Talking
  10
• Books for One-Year-Olds
  11
• Teaching Small Children to Read
  11
• How to Put a One-Year-Old to Bed
  11
• Bedtime Songs
  11
• Potty Training
  11
• The Traditional Potty Training Technique
  11
• Nutrition
  11
• The Basic Baby Food Nutrition Groups
  12
• Chapter 11 THE THIRD YEAR
  12
• How to Discipline a Two-Year-Old
  12
• The Traditional Escalating Futile Parental Disciplinary Threats
  12
• Fears Your Mother Teaches You during Childhood
  12
• Toys for Two-Year-Olds
  12
• How to Hold a Birthday Party for Two-Year-Olds
  12
• A Word about Smurfs, Snoopy, Strawberry Shortcake, and All the Other Nauseating Little Characters That You Swear You Will Never Allow in Your Home
  12
• Questions
  12
• Preschool Programs
  13
• The Little Boy and the Toad (A Child-Participation Bedtime Story)
  13
• Epilogue SHOULD YOU HAVE ANOTHER?
  13
• Index
  13

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